Signos de la violencia doméstica

La violencia doméstica no se ve lo mismo en todas las relaciones porque cada relación es diferente. Pero una cosa que si tienen en común es que la pareja abusiva hace muchas clases de cosas diversas para tener más poder y control sobre su pareja.

Usted puede ser una víctima de abuso doméstico si su pareja está usando uno o más de estos ejemplos para ejercer poder y control sobre tu vida:

• Mantenerte lejos o no tener contacto con amigos o familiares
• Mostrando envidia de sus amigos y control de su tiempo invertido.
• Iniciando problemas entre usted y los miembros de su familia para que no pase tiempo con ellos
• Controlar que ves, donde vas o qué haces
• Controlar el acceso a la comunicación con los demás, tales como no permítele tener un teléfono celular o acceso a Internet
• Repasando lo que miras y con quien te comunicas cuando usas el Internet o mirando lo que pongas en tu página de internet y otras páginas de redes sociales
• Pidiendo o exigiendo tus contraseñas de Facebook y otras redes sociales y sitios de mensajería
• Controlar cada centavo gastado en el hogar
• Tomar tu dinero o negarse a dar te dinero para gastos
• Evitando que trabájese o asistir a la escuela
• Diciendo que no puedes hacer nada bien
• Te hace pasar vergüenzas o te avergüence con insultos en frente de la gente o en privado
• Te impide tomar tus propias decisiones
• Mirando te o actuar en una manera que te asusta
• Diciendo que eres un mal madre y amenazando con dañar o llevar se a tus niños
• Destrucción de la propiedad o amenazar con lastimar o matar a sus mascotas
• Comprando armas, cuchillos y otras armas para intimidante o amenazando té con ellos
• Amenazarte con daño a usted o su familia si los dejas
• Presionando te a tener relaciones sexuales cuando usted no quiere o hacer cosas sexualmente que no te sientes cómodo en hacer
• Presionando te a usar drogas o alcohol

Si usted es una víctima de abuso doméstico, llámenos. Podemos ayudarle en una situación de emergencia con intervención de crisis, y podemos ayudarle a crear un plan de seguridad.

Oficina de S.H.A.R.E., Inc. La línea de crisis es de 24 horas/7dias a la semana: (970) 867-4444; Llame gratis al 1-877-867-9590

Cosas para observar si se usted sospecha de una amiga o ser querido que es víctima de abuso doméstico:

• Que tenga heridas inexplicables
• Que tiene muy poco que decir acerca de su vida
• Que están tímidos cuando su pareja está cerca
• Que están distanciados de la gente o separados de su familia.
• Que están distanciados en sus relaciones sociales
• Que su pareja haga todas las reglas para esa persona
• Que los humille abajo en público
• Si esa persona le tiene miedo a su pareja por cualquier cosa que haga siendo bien o mal

Si crees que tú amiga o miembro de su familia es víctima de abuso doméstico, llámenos. Podemos ayudarle a saber más sobre la violencia doméstica y los servicios que están disponibles para ustedes.

Oficina de S.H.A.R.E., Inc. y La línea de Crisis es de 24 horas/7 días a la semana: (970) 867-4444; Llame gratis al 1-877-867-9590

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Gabrielle Giffords: 20 Years After VAWA, There’s Much More Work To Do

Business Leaders Speak At New York Ideas Event

Even though many couples are choosing to marry later in life, our laws haven’t been updated to address dating partner abuse

Some said it would be too hard – impossible, even.

Two decades ago, a broad and brave coalition of determined women’s advocates, domestic violence survivors and fair-minded leaders in Congress set out to do what some said could not be done: pass a law that helped protect women and their families from the scourge of domestic violence.

The proposal, called the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), took badly needed steps toward protecting women. It gave judges, prosecutors, and law enforcement officials new tools to combat violence; it strengthened services for survivors and their families; and, for the first time under federal law, ensured that dangerous individuals subject to domestic violence restraining orders couldn’t have easy access to guns.

Still, securing the needed support for the law was no easy fight. There was obstruction, willful misrepresentation, and needless gridlock. Entrenched special interests sprang into action; inaction was their goal.

But Americans made their voices heard, and Congress passed VAWA with the votes of Democrats and Republicans alike. And so, 20 years ago this weekend, then-President Bill Clinton made the Violence Against Women Act the law of the land – a real victory of common sense and courage over the status quo.

Since its passage, VAWA has been a staggering success in making our communities safer. Annual rates of domestic violence have dropped by more than half. The law has saved lives and kept guns out of the hands of countless domestic abusers.

But 20 years later, there is still more work to do to make women safer from gun violence.

Because of VAWA and subsequent updates to the law, individuals who are under domestic violence protection orders or have misdemeanor domestic violence convictions can’t legally buy or own guns. But even though many couples are choosing to marry later in life, our laws haven’t been updated to address dating partner abuse. And convicted stalkers can still get guns.With such glaring loopholes in our gun laws, guns sometimes fall into the wrong hands – and the results for women are often tragic.

Most of the time, women are murdered with guns by someone they know, either by a family member or an intimate partner, like a former or current husband or boyfriend. In domestic abuse situations, if the abuser has access to a gun, it increases the chance that a woman will die by 500 percent.

This is one reason why American women are 11 times more likely to be shot to death than their peers in other countries, and why more American women were killed by gunfire by a partner between 2001 and 2012 than the total number of American troops killed in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars combined.

That is not the America we strive for, is it?

That’s why it’s time for Congress to build on the legacy and success of the Violence Against Women Act by closing the loopholes that let dangerous stalkers and abusive dating partners buy guns.

There are several commonsense proposals before Congress right now that would help address the nexus of gun crime and domestic violence – and they would do nothing to limit the rights of responsible, law-abiding gun owners.

In fact, for those of us who own guns and cherish our Second Amendment rights, these laws should be a welcome step. Because every time guns fall into the wrong hands and are used to intimidate, injure, or murder women, it erodes the rights of responsible gun owners everywhere.

Passing these laws wouldn’t prevent every act of gun violence against women, but there is no doubt they would save women’s lives. They are the commonsense thing to do.

Over the last two decades, the Violence Against Women Act has been reauthorized, improved, and updated several times. Sometimes, a small minority of legislators and powerful special interests – standing on the wrong side of history and far out of step with the vast majority of Americans – has fought it.

But each time, Democrats and Republicans have voted for commonsense and safety. And thankfully, each time they have prevailed.

With lots of hard work, and with reasonable Americans making their voices heard, I hope that a similar bipartisan group of leaders can forge the hard but necessary path of making America’s women safer from gun violence.

It won’t be easy. But it will save lives.

Former Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords is the Co-Founder of Americans for Responsible Solutions.


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Filed under domestic violence, domestic violence law, gun control, intimate partner violence, teen dating violence, victims of crime, violence against women, Violence Against Women Act

James Brown delivers powerful speech about domestic violence

Over 600 women have been killed since Ray Rice hit his girlfriend in the elevator.

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Katz calls for domestic violence to be reframed as a men’s issue


Jackson Katz, in his groundbreaking work on gender violence prevention, calls for a paradigm shift in our culture to reframe violence against women as a men’s issue.

Jackson Katz Ted Talks: Violence Against Women – It’s a Men’s Issue

Katz on You Tube – Domestic Violence is a Men’s Issue

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Filed under domestic abuse, domestic violence, intimate partner violence, men's issues, women's issues

How the NFL’s New Domestic Violence Policy Came to Be

Kim Gandy was sitting in her Washington, D.C., office a few days after NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced a two-game suspension for Ray Rice. Like a lot of people in her line of work, the president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence had been very critical of the NFL’s entire response to Rice’s arrest for aggravated assault after he allegedly knocked out his then-girlfriend/now-wife in an elevator.

The phone rang.

“Is this Kim Gandy?”


“This is Roger Goodell.”

Gandy was stunned. The two went on to have an hourlong conversation. Goodell asked a lot of questions. What is domestic violence? How can you tell who is likely to abuse their partner? What would a good workplace policy for all NFL employees look like?

Gandy said Goodell was surprised at the storm of criticism after the Rice suspension and fine and told her: “Here’s what I don’t understand — we actually did something. Half a million is a lot of money. Why aren’t people mad at the judge and prosecutor who did nothing at all?”

“Victims and survivors and advocates aren’t looking at the money,'” she told Goodell. “The judge and prosecutor don’t have fans to be mad at them, not in the way fans have expectations of you.”

These conversations were the beginning of a bold new policy on domestic violence and sexual assault that the NFL unveiled last Thursday in a letter to team owners. Goodell surveyed experts in the field — Gandy is a former prosecutor in New Orleans — and built a framework that included a six-game suspension for first offenses and a lifetime ban with the second, though players have the opportunity to apply for reinstatement after a year.

The NFL also instituted a workplace policy for all the men and women it employs — not just players — and is working to create an outreach element with the ultimate aim of changing the conversation about the issue.

“He did a lot of listening and, I think, was genuinely trying to understand,” Gandy said. “I know he was talking to a lot of other people, maybe to see if we would all say the same thing.”

On Aug. 21, the NFL held a meeting at its Park Avenue offices. The league brought in Gandy and a handful of other experts and activists to help hone the policy it outlined. Among those invited: Esta Soler from Futures without Violence, Tony Porter from a Call to Men, Joe Ehrmann from Coach for America and activist Rita Smith. They met with Goodell, executive vice president of football operations Troy Vincent and other NFL higher-ups. The meeting was slated for two hours but went longer, and Goodell stayed until the last conversation wrapped up.

“The policy wasn’t where we wanted, and that’s my responsibility,” Goodell told reporters on Wednesday at a flag football event. “I think it is important for the ownership to understand that and how serious we’re taking this issue and the importance of the work that needs to be done. It’s not just about discipline. We’re going to step up every aspect of our program with education and training. We’ve been working an awful lot over the years with experts in this field, and we think we really can make a difference here. I wanted them to hear that directly from me.”

Across the board, people who work around the issue of domestic violence were pleased with the change in tone.

“I get a sense from him that there’s no pulling back,” said Porter, co-founder of A Call to Men. “He’s in this for the long haul.”

Porter has worked with the NFL for a decade, speaking about issues related to violence and the way men and women interact. He said he gets the sense that the NFL will put money behind the parts of the program that include outreach to colleges and high schools to speak about sexual violence and control issues.

Think of all the players who have camps each year, Porter said, and the value of those players taking the message forward. “They have hundreds of boys hanging on their every word,” he said.

Adds Soler, the president of Futures Without Violence: “Their opportunity to actually change the norm is so great. “The outline is powerful, but now the work needs to happen.”

Porter also understands how the NFL got it wrong in the first place.

“I think the NFL for the most part is like any other organizational structure,” Porter said. “If you look at the domestic violence response around our nation, it’s not a good response.”

Gandy said that part of the issue for the NFL is that different parts of the country may have very different legal processes. She pointed to this story about an Arkansas woman who was murdered. Before her death, Laura Aceves pleaded with law enforcement to do something about her alleged abuser, who had been repeatedly arrested and released.

The NFL has had its own tragic cases. Former Chiefs player Jovan Belcher murdered Kasandra Perkins before taking his own life in 2013. Panthers receiver Rae Carruth was found guilty in 2001 of conspiring to kill Cherica Adams, who was carrying his child.

The NFL will investigate each alleged case of domestic violence independently — a process happening right now after 49ers defensive tackle Ray McDonald was arrested over Labor Day weekend. The league said it will wait to see if someone is charged before issuing any decision.

“Yes, I think that was very clear in the policy — not only charged, but we would wait for the legal system to complete its process, particularly in any case on a first case,” Goodell said Wednesday. “That is something that is very important to us.”

The NFL reserves the ability, through the Personal Conduct Policy, to discipline a player even if he isn’t found guilty in a court of law.

In domestic violence cases, women sometimes refuse to press charges or testify against their abuser. Yet that doesn’t mean that the incident didn’t take place. Janay Palmer married Ray Rice the day after his indictment in the assault case. In looking into these cases, the NFL may have to make some difficult judgment calls.

In the letter to owners, Goodell said the NFL expects it has higher standards:

“Much of the criticism stemmed from a fundamental recognition that the NFL is a leader, that we do stand for important values, and that we can project those values in ways that have a positive impact beyond professional football. We embrace this role and the responsibility that comes with it.”

Yes, it may be tricky, but the NFL isn’t going to back away from the issue anymore. Goodell won’t make the mistake of interviewing an alleged victim in the room with the alleged assailant and his coach and general manager again, as happened in the Rice case. News conferences featuring couples in crisis? Unlikely after Goodell’s listening tour on the issue.

For Porter, seeing the discussions and meeting come to fruition in such a comprehensive way was deeply gratifying.

“When I saw that policy, I was astounded,” Porter said. “I didn’t expect the response to be that big. Having done this work for 20 years, it was like my partner said — the needle moved.”

Source By Jane McManus

More information and resources on masculinity, sports and domestic violence

Tough Guise



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How abusers isolate victims

isolationWays an abuser isolates his victim.

1. Shuts down the phone. He doesn´t trust the people she is calling or those who are calling her so he´ll cut the line or disconnect the house phone and may confiscate or break her cell phone so nobody can contact her.

2. Controls Internet access. He doesn´t want her to connect with her friends or family using email, Facebook, Twitter, or chat, so he turns off the computer or controls Internet access. If she is allowed to be online, he may control and monitor her activity. He may demand that she give him her passwords and otherwise monitor what websites she has visited. He may post inappropriate photos or messages to her accounts to get friends and family to “unfriend” or block her accounts.

3. Controls the money. He may not want her to work. If she does work, he will still control the money. Having her be totally financially dependent on him gives him the power to manipulate and control her. She can’t make purchases, go where she wants, or even access medical care without asking his permission and approval. The bank account, debit cards, etc. are only in his name.

4. Keeps car keys. He may make sure there is only one car, and he will control the keys.

5. Raises barriers between her and family and friends. He will find excuses for turning down invitations from her family and friends. He doesn’t want to attend her family events. He  doesn’t allow her to call or visit her parents as often as she would like. He manipulates, causes or exacerbates tensions or problems between family members, resulting in cold and distant relationships between them.

An abusive man uses isolation as the number one tool in order to make her believe that she is alone, that nobody loves her and nobody is going to help her. When she feels helpless, the more power he has over her.

These things are not true. Her family and friends DO CARE about her. HELP IS AVAILABLE.

If you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find a program in your area. 1-800-799-7233

If you are in Morgan County or other county in Northeast Colorado call 1-877-867-9590 Toll Free.




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National Center on Protection Orders and Full Faith and Credit

National Center on Protection Orders and Full Faith & Credit is a project of the Battered Women’s Justice Project. Their mission is to facilitate implementation of the Full Faith and Credit clause of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) in all states, tribes and territories by raising public awareness of the statute’s requirements and by providing problem-solving technical assistance and support to individuals and jurisdictions; to victims, survivors and advocates.

They provide ongoing assistance and training on:

  • Full Faith and Credit.
  • Federal firearms prohibitions related specifically to domestic violence.
  • Federal domestic violence and stalking crimes.
  • Inter-jurisdictional child custody cases involving domestic violence.

Follow Them On Facebook

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Filed under domestic violence, violence against women, Violence Against Women Act